Humor

“We have a history” sounds a lot better than “we used to bang and now it’s awkward.” ...

"Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues." ...

“ 'I need to talk to you' is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life." ...

"Step 1: Open fridge. Nothing to eat. Step 2: Open pantry. Nothing to eat. Step 3: Lower standards and repeat." ...

"Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off positions." ...

"Superbowl Sunday is the one day of the year when everyone in the country, regardless of their religious beliefs, completely stops what they’re normally doing. Especially the team I’m rooting for." - Dennis Miller ...

"I was watching the Super Bowl with my ninety-two-year-old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game he was watching was ...

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.' - Steven Wright ...

"I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool.  I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds." - Wendy Liebman ...